Street Preacher op-ed, 11/19/09

The Street Preacher has been watching many movies, many, many movies...

Since I've been in L.A., I've managed to make the most out of my movie-watching opportunitites, and frankly, it's been a blast. Below, I've listed some the non-reviewed movies I've caught up with (most of them non-action titles) and my thoughts on each of them. Check it out:




Yes, that's Mariah Carey, and yes, she looks better this way.

An Education

Overrated to the Nth degree, it's got niche market written all over it. Old/white/male critics hailed it. I don't. And yes, I will admit that Carey Mulligan displays some acting chops and comes out of the gates kickin,' but she's no Audrey Hepburn and can't save the whole picture. Fact is, I have little interest in 1960s U.K. and the film doesn't succeed in persuading me otherwise. First, it was The Hurt Locker, and now An Education: pretentious overrated bullsheezy thank you very much!

Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Easily a contender for best picture, Precious effectively tiptoes the line between being too sappy and too grim; director Lee Daniels somehow holds it all together—really, it's a sight to see. From the over-stylized dream sequences to moments of genuine audience horror (dropping a baby, for one), the rollercoaster is kept within reason and kept within our interest, as well. Newcomer Gabby Sidibe will no doubt be cast off to thankless supporting roles given her weight and appearance, but she definitely made her mark here—a truly 'career' performance. Everything just worked. Even '90s-holdover musicians Mariah Carey and Lenny Kravtiz were perfect, and I mean perfect. Though I would still hold District 9 in higher regard, Precious nonetheless has a better chance of taking home the gold and man, I hope it does. And I must say, Paula Patton should take home the 'most-fine-ass-woman-of-the-year' award for her work here (not to mention Salli Richardson-Whitfield in Black Dynamite - Damn!). She was too hot for the part! Sorry but it's true! ...and I haven't even mentioned Mo'Nique yet! Too much to talk about!

Love Hurts

Terrible. Walked out. The only reason I saw this is because I'm a big fan of Janeane Garofalo. She was wasted, my time and money were wasted, and so was theirs. Love Hurts, but this one kills! Yes, even the jokes about it are bad!

The Blind Side

It was essentially a beefed-up TV movie with some inspired moments and a rock-solid lead performance by Sandra Bullock. Great beginning and end, as well as the end credits, and it more or less knew its foozball. But there were few things The Blind Side just couldn't overcome—one, the racism: even after straight-up mentioning it ("white guilt") and doing its best to nobly approach the material, the basic white-helps-black story couldn't be shaken. There were good blacks and bad blacks, good whites and bad whites, but in the end it was the good whites who helped the good blacks and told all the bad ones off, resulting in one too many cringeworthy moments. Two, the creampuff script: Why not try a little harder, Ms. Bullock (and co.)? Why not try a little harder and write a script that's actually deserving of its source material? One with some grit, one with some questionable morality, and one with the guts to tell it like it is (or was, considering it's based on a true story). And three, the religious aspect: not only was it a near-TV movie, but a Christian one as well. At least Lawrence Taylor was thanked too. Still recommended.

The Road

Bleak for bleak's sake, I honestly felt cold after walking out of the theater—in L.A., after an afternoon showing. This is the accumulation of bleakness that this decade has heaped up, now in its concentrated form. However good the writing, acting, or source material (and of course those post-apoc landscapes), none of it can overcome the fact that the film is simply not entertaining, and is too depressing to be emotionally resonant. A pitiless pit of despair...no thanks.


DTD action releases:



The definition of badass. No, really, look it up.

The Tournament

By no means as 'mean' as Mean Guns, nor as revolutionary as Battle Royale, but still a fun time, The Tournament boasts some inspired moments and ridiculous, nonstop action. Ving Rhames and Robert Carlyle bring the acting cred, Scott Adkins and Sebastien Foucan bring the stunts, and Kelly Hu holds down the fort in the lead role. It's definitely DTD material and won't disappoint the people putting their money towards it. Worth a look for the pictured-above sequence alone.

Blood and Bone

A refreshing surprise, Blood and Bone is the more serious Lionheart we've all been waiting for (i.e. where Fighting failed tremendously). Michael Jai White continues to prove he's the best in the biz when it comes to martial arts cinema, this time bringing gritty, no-frills kinds of fights in a modern urban environment that keeps itself firmly in check (and far away from self-parody). Eamonn Walker delivers a legitimate performance as the film's main villain, and appearances by Julian Sands, Ron Yuan, and especially Gina Carano are a lot of fun. If not for its simplistic title and advertising, I think this could've had a decent theatrical run, at least in bigger cities. With The Dark Knight, Black Dynamite and Bone under his belt, Michael Jai White is making a push to rise above the genre, hopefully pulling it up along with him. More power to him.


That's all for now, and now for all.

~Street Preach out!

Street Preacher op-ed, 04/15/09

It's that (Jesus) time again! The Street Preacher op-ed!

It's been awhile since I did one of these, but with The Action Reaction finally slowing down for the month as well as my growing restlessness to shoot the shit, I thought the time was right.

So, first off, I'd like to begin with a quick overview of the action-oriented films that I'm excited for over the next year and a half. The first one should be pretty obvious:


The Expendables (Sylvester Stallone, 2010)

Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Brittany Murphy, Danny Trejo, Terry Crews, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Couture, AND none other than the Governator himself. Need I say more?(!!!)

Avatar (James Cameron, 2009)

The last film this man made was Titanic. Before that, True Lies. Before that, Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Before that…well, you get the picture. Also features Michelle Rodriguez and Sigourney-frickin'-Weaver for hot-badassness's sake. It's the kind of film you're pretty much excited for by default.

Give 'em Hell Malone (Russell Mulcahy, 2009)

When I finally got around to seeing the teaser trailer for this, I almost shit my insides out. I haven't seen an action movie that looked like this in years (emulating A Better Tomorrow II, anyone?). It's old school, low-budget, and it's Russell Mulcahy teaming up with his new Christopher Lambert in Thomas Jane (the resemblance is uncanny!). I can't wait, big screen or DVD, I'm there.

The Tournament (Scott Mann, 2009)

In the always-great vein of Mean Guns and Battle Royale, we have a poor-man's Expendables cast (Scott Adkins, Kelly Hu, Ving Rhames, and Robert Carlyle, among others) coming together to kill each other for no apparent reason. Could you really ask for more?

Brooklyn's Finest (Antoine Fuqua, 2009)

After being pimped by John Woo, Antoine Fuqua hit a high note with Training Day. Since then, he's failed to return to that level, but this looks promising. Reuniting with Hawke (and the cop genre), Fuqua’s brought together a great New York cast (Richard Gere, Don Cheadle, Vincent D'Onofrio, Ellen Barkin, Lili Taylor and Wesley Snipes as a gangster(!)) and a story by a newcomer that might just flow in the same way Training Day did. We'll see what happens.

Takers (John Luessenhop, 2010)

This has 'ghetto Heat' written all over it. Pretty-boys Paul Walker and Hayden Christensen team up (it's like Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in Interview with the Vampire, kind of, at least) as a young gang of bank robbers being pursued by a wily old detective (Matt Dillon, former pretty boy, awesome). Also features bad-boy Chris Brown. I don't care what anyone says—I'm genuinely excited for this. For now, at least.

The Book of Eli (The Hughes Brothers, 2010)

A "post-apocalyptic Western" pitting standard-hero Denzel Washington against standard-villain Gary Oldman. Sounds pretty awesome to me. And just look at this awesomely dystopian cast: Ray Stevenson, Jennifer Beals, Michael Gambon, and Tom Waits. And, with the Hughes Brothers at the helm, this may just be, well, awesome.

Rogue's Gallery (Fouad Mikati, 2009)

Yet another killfest, but this time with seemingly-comic elements. Apart from the silly tarot-card names, the film also features a spree of comedic actors (Jeffery Tambor, Rob Corddry, Bob Odenkirk, Michael Hitchcock, Zach Galifianakis, Beth Grant, and Brandon Jackson of Tropic Thunder). I really like the prospect of witty comedians put in action-oriented situations, though this is the kind of idea that hangs by a thread. We'll see how long it can hang on.


Note: Ving Rhames is in three of the above titles. Hence, Ving Rhames is awesome.


In other news, last weekend I caught Observe and Report. It was, as many have said, Taxi Driver trying for a laugh, and thus extremely disturbing in that respect. I'm not even going to try to write a review (pussying out, yes), because, frankly, the movie repulsed me in every way, but it did so in a strictly professional manner. It was consistently inconsistent in being a comedy or simply just a disturbing drama. I would say it was beyond the realm of dark comedy; it was something else entirely. To see 14-18 year old kids laughing their asses off when a character shoots someone point blank (and in no way a cool Tarantinoesque fashion) is more disturbing than the film itself. A horrible, disturbing trashfest I never plan to revisit again. Goodness.

In further news, I couldn't help but notice the (Twitter?) announcement of a future fourth Bourne film...To me, it's like making a fourth Lord of the Rings, or something; it just doesn't work. The three Bourne films were solid, fresh and innovative entertainment that shouldn't be tattered by excess sequels. Leave that to Kickboxer, or Critters, or some other ungodly series.

Finally, I want to bring to note something of a more serious nature. Recently, it was brought to my attention via the Film Experience Blog that my (everyone's) long-time favorite online shopping website, Amazon.com, has strangely and enigmatically filtered their search results against gay and lesbian material. The whole thing is pretty complicated (head over to Film Experience and its links for more info), but regardless, please take the time to sign this petition against the whole mess. If Amazon actually okay'ed this, I won't even know what to think. It's beyond embarrassing. Whatever professionalism Amazon once represented would now be gone. I really hope this is just some kind of fluke that can be fixed ASAP.


On a personal note, like with what happened over December-January, I will be out of the country from May 20th-June 13th. This time I'll be heading down to New Zealand (13-14 hour flight!?!?), again on a global seminar (mini study-abroad program). The Action Reaction might screech to a halt during that time, but, as always, I'll be back better than ever when summer rolls around. And since I'm already on the subject, I should also be moving out of my engimatic home state and down to Los Angeles by September of this year. Big plans, man, big plans.

~ Street Preach out!

Street Preacher op-ed, 02/10/2009

The Street Preacher has been busy, very busy.

If you haven't already noticed, the YouTube channel is back up, or rather, has returned (hence, "TheReactionReturns"). The massive uploadage took a lot out of me, even with the admittedly conveinent bulk-uploader-plugin courtesy of Youtube (thx). This time around, I'm much more keen to what I can get away with and what I can't, and I've figured out which movie studios to look out for (it's a very, very complicated game, but I think I've got the basic ins and outs of dodging who I need to dodge and so on). Hopefully, this time, we won't go under, and The Action Reaction can bring you the action you so greatly deserve (or are not getting, but I digress).

Anyway, news, as usual, has been slow, but then again I've been busy with school and as always habitually lazy, so this point is contentious to its own end. Some quick notes include the recent Van Damme interview(s) (---yes, there are two links there) explaining why he won't join The Expendables and why and how he wants to do a second Bloodsport and so on. To this I say more power to him, as he's truly dedicated to reinventing himself, mostly on a part of his son that was taken away from him (a truth most sorely referenced in J.C.V.D.). But then again, he's kind of got the crazy, Seagal-esque thing going on right now. In other words, turning down The Expendables may have not been the best idea (and rigidly anti-awesome at that). But of course I believe in Jean-Claude, in the same way I believe in Harvey Dent, even if we all know what happens to the latter.

Another piece of news worthy of mention is this, and that's all I'm going to say about that, for now. Goodness.

Moving on, there is also a new poll (the former poll coming in with a whopping three votes), if you haven't noticed. I was inspired in finally getting around to watching the Resident Evil series, which, as bad/terrible/frightening-terrible as it can be, is also a complete riot, the second one especially. And with watching the Resident Evil series came a new obsession with yet another actress-- inevitable, for anyone really: the tantalizing Michelle Rodriguez (who's website you will now find on the sidebar, f.y.i.). As one commentor said on some YouTube video featuring her, "I'd drink her bathwater." I would, too.

Clips from Resident Evil and other action films will be posted in the next video round-up, which should be next week at the latest. Oh jeez and I almost forgot:

Inglourious Basterds promo:





And a new poster for the completely unnecessary, bastardizing, and predictably-trashy remake of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three:





And even after this, I will still like Tony Scott (why?? I don't know!).



~ Street Preacher out!

Street Preacher op-ed, 12/24/2008

The Street Preacher makes his way to Buenos Aires

The main reason I've been so busy apart from finals and the holidays in general is that I've been preparing to go to Argentina for a little under a month's time. With that in mind, this blog might temporarily go stagnant, but as always it will be back better than ever; in other words, I won't give up on you!!! (or, rather, probably just myself, but anyway...)

Without further ado, here's a few news pieces I've wanted to touch on but have been too lazy to do so:

First, the cornerstone of this blog--Sylvester Stallone's future project, The Expendables, has confirmed the additions of Forest Whitaker and Randy Couture. Is this going to be one of the greatest action movies ever? I dare say it will. Stallone said the reason he added Couture was to help boost his stock, or rather, make him more famous. And well, as tacky as that may seem, I really hope it pans out. Couture has struggled through a variety of projects from Cradle 2 the Grave, a direct-to-dvd Scorpion King sequel, and the successful third entry in the Command and Conquer: Red Alert series, and it's my opinion that he deserves some recognition as something other than a fighter. He can act competently enough for action standards, and The Expendables will really be his test, if not last chance, at an action movie career. More power to him.

And nothing needs to be said about Forest Whitaker being added except that he's pissin' on us, he's pissin' all over us, and you know what it tastes like? It tastes like piss!

***Update*** But wait, just when you thought it couldn't get any better. A rumor from AICN:

Bullock might be reteaming with Sly for his awesome sounding ensemble action flick THE EXPENDABLES. They hear she's up for the role of a government agent who is partnered with Forest Whitaker in tracking down the hired guns (Sly, Jason Statham, Jet Li and Dolph Lundgren) on a mission to take down a dictator. They say the talks are happening, but it's not a done deal yet.

(Giddy 'OMGs' and untimely excitement) I think I have to catch my breath on this one. This may be the greatest action ensemble ever. The Dirty Dozen? Well that's EXPENDABLE.


Moving on, here's a movie I've been really looking forward to. Steven Seagal's Against the Dark, where he plays 'Commander Tao,' taking on a legion of zombie-vampire werewolves, or something, it doesn't really matter:




Nothing more to say there. So, moving on, one tidbit I wanted to touch on was the original casting of Nicolas Cage in Darren Aronofsky's The Wrestler. Now, I haven't seen the film, and I'm not even a fan of Aronofsky, but I'm assuming it's pretty good considering the swell of praise surrounding it. According to almost every review, it hinges on the 'career-reviving' performance of Mickey Rourke, which I'm guessing is just as legit. In some article I read that Nicolas Cage texted Aronofsky or something to reiterate this point immediately after seeing the film. Well, no shit. Nicolas Cage couldn't play that kind of part if he tried. Now, I've learned to tolerate and even love Cage in some contexts, from the good (Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, Matchstick Men, Grindhouse) to the mediocre (Bringing Out the Dead, Gone in 60 Seconds, Lord of War) to the flat-out bad (Con Air, Face/Off, The Wicker Man), but he's rarely if never a 'good' actor. I just can't imagine Cage being washed up and gritty. It just doesn't work. The article also mentioned that the budget would've skyrocketed if Cage had been cast. Ridiculous.

Anyway, since every critic makes their "top-ten lists" or what have you, I thought I should at least join in the fun. The only problem is, unlike '07, I haven't seen like any of the important films this year. So, instead I'm going to make a top three list. A little more managable, eh?

1. The Dark Knight
2. J.C.V.D.
3. The Midnight Meat Train

Honorable Mention: Tropic Thunder

That was predictable enough. The Dark Knight was, is, and will be the cinematic event of the decade. It's going to take a lot to top it. J.C.V.D. is a film about my favorite action star playing himself, so the choice was inevitable. And thirdly, The Midnight Meat Train is the first straight-up 'old-school' horror film I've seen in years. Not even The Descent was as effective as the Meat Train, and if you haven't already I suggest you see it immediately (it might still be on Comcast on Demand, or other cable services, and the DVD will come eventually). Tropic Thunder tried really hard to be the Americanized Hot Fuzz, and even though it didn't quite reach the level, you have to give Stiller and Theroux credit, as well as Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise, and even Matthew McConaughey for their simply amazing comedic performances.


A quick note on the YouTube channel: It's coming down to the line whether to upload the videos in some abbreviational code for the blog or to broadcast them openly to ring in potential readers. I've still been amassing videoes behind the scenes, I just can't decide what to do with them, though I'll make up my mind soon enough. In the meantime, be sure to check out my Action Reaction advertisement on the sidebar--YouTube compressed the sound or something so the song sounds kind of hollow (it seems to lack the original bass), but the video still works. I'm very proud of it.

I can't promise the holiday deadline, but I can promise an eventual return. I'm overly swamped as I previously mentioned, so it's gonna have to wait 'til post-Argentina.

Anyway, I might see the new Punisher movie on Christmas for what my friend Cullen calls "a very Punisher Christmas." If I do, a review will soon follow. That's all for now.

~ teh Street Preach out!

Street Preacher op-ed, 11/14/2008

Due to the lack of action-worthy news this week, and also because I can't post any videos (my main computer's in the shop), I've decided to start what will probably end up being an infrequent, stop-gap filler feature, much as I am in need of now. So, without further ado, I present to you, the Street Preacher Op-Ed!: a feature in which I reiterate my opinions on varied film news tidbits through the personage of the Street Preacher from Johnny Mnemonic, played by Dolph Lundgren, and for no reason at all! Here goes!






As I usually do, I was jumping around looking for pertinent news on the interwebs and I came across a supposedly 'new' (I didn't know there was even an old) trailer for the upcoming Sam Mendes film Revolutionary Road. Even though, thus so far, I've thought the film had looked pretty mediocre, I gave in decided to watch it anyway, as is the custom in the world of film-wannabes like myself. Oddly enough, I soon learned through some poking around that it was in fact the 'old' international trailer, and that it had been posted in conjunction with a link to the new one. But regardless--let me get to the point--it was more or less an American-Beauty-ish, 1950s marriage troubles movie with the unfit and unbelievable Leo as the befuddled husband of fellow Titanic alum Kate Winslet, who, despite her reasonable talent, seems to be their for the sake of a Titanic reunion and nothing else (okay, I'm getting a little harsh, but think about it). The most interesting thing I found in the trailer, which you can watch here, was funny and almost ironic connection to everybody's new favorite movie The Dark Knight. When Winslet says "We had plans, you had plans," to Leo, I immediately thought of the Joker's second speech, or, the "It's all part of the plan" speech. In it, he says, "The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon's got plans, you know, they're schemers, schemers trying to control their little worlds." Isn't it funny, how the Joker's words could possibly sum up the whole of Revolutionary Road? Not to dump on Sam Mendes, well, actually to dump on Sam Mendes, I turn to the Joker yet again: "You were a schemer, you had plans, and uh, look where that got ya."

On a very loosely-related note, am I the only one who's not excited for the CROTCHMEN (okay, bad joke). I'm really getting sick of the hyper-emo and 'ooooh, we're dark' atmosphere of the trailers. Granted, I haven't read the graphic novel, but I don't read much these days, now I do I? And I'm also not down on director Zack Snyder or his previous 300. Yes, I didn't like 300 and I never will. For me, it was just an allegory for the similarly retarded Ewok victory over the Stormtroopers, complete with the incompetent writing and wtf uncoolness. The Watchmen feels like some strange mashup of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen with Fantastic Four, thrown into the world of Sin City to make it legitimately cool. I know that's a low blow, but 'watch me' as I go even lower: I will say now, that Fantastic Four is and will be a better movie than the Watchmen. There, I said it.

Speaking of trailers, a new, full-length edition recently came out for perpetually-delayed Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Less-action packed, less awesomeness, more force-fed epic, more lame. I still have a lot of faith in this film, both relative to the other Potter entries and on its own, but come on, let's not become a muted grey sorrow-pit like every other movie this decade.

Also, Quantum of Solace (or Suantum of Qolace, or Something of Boris?) is coming to a theater near you. I plan to check it out soon, and you should too. I've really fallen for Daniel Craig as Bond, but I still hate the anti-James Bond vibes around him; in other words, he's really not playing James Bond, but James Bourne. Many incoming reviews seem to correlate this, which, as much as I've also fallen for the Bourne films, is fairly disappointing. I guess we'll just have to see, and indeed see the film, sometime soon.

And if I may say one more thing, TWILIGHT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (Twilight will not be dark enough to trump the Knight, oh no).


Feel free to leave your comments, but just remember that the Street Preacher might break you and help you find Jesus.