Quickie Review: Machete

Sloppy taco goodness (and yummy M-Rod goodness)

In a year dominated mostly by trash, it's fitting that a low-aiming, Grindhouse fake-trailer-spinoff movie may very well be the best. Wildly inconsistent but never too ambitious Robert Rodriguez provides us an ultraviolent, politically charged, actor-revival extravaganza, which carries a little weight, a little grit, and even gives Steven Seagal his transcendental, J.C.V.D. moment. As the man says, "Back the fuck up and watch." You might just enjoy yourself.

***1/2 out of ****


~ Patrick Fryberger

"Back the fuck up and watch"

A literally 'red' band trailer for Machete. No Lohan billing OR Don Johnson? LAME.



Still going to be there opening night.

New Machete trailer

Saw this at the theater last night... pretty slick trailer, better than the first, and better than what I was seeing/Rodriguez's other summer effort, Predators.

"Introducing Don Johnson" never fails to make me laugh... I love how Seagal gets second-billing--let's hope the part lives up to that. No Lohan with the big controversy, a shame. I love the flashes of villiany around the :40 mark. De Niro, Johnson, Seagal, and don't forget Jeff Fahey. Some of the best villains come in ensembles... RoboCop, Kill Bill, even The Dark Knight, and this looks to be one helluva example. And M-Rod is so ridiculously hot I don't even know what to say. Should be fun.

Who received the best Machete exclusives?

UPDATE: WE HAVE A NEW WINNER.

SUPER CLOSE, but I had to choose one. The answer.

And the runner-up.

"Introducing..."

Two words: DON JOHNSON.



Two more words: STEVEN SEAGAL.

And a special message: "TO ARIZONA."

De Niro looks like a hoot, Lindsay Lohan was BORN to wear that outfit/gun, I LOVE how he heavily incorporated the original fake trailer--the stock music is a great touch too. And I almost made a mess of myself when M-Rod straddled the man himself. HOT DAMN! 2010 is the year of the Rodriguez!

Source: Hollywood Elsewhere

Tom Savini in Machete!

Need I say more?

Yes, yes I do. A trailer/plot synopsis:

"The feature version of the trailer finds Machete (Trejo) a renegade former Mexican Federale, roaming the streets of Texas after a shakedown from drug lord Torrez (Seagal). Reluctantly, Machete takes an offer from spin doctor Benz (Fahey) to assassinate McLaughlin (De Niro) a corrupt Senator. Double crossed and on the run Machete braves the odds with the help of Luz (Rodriguez), a saucy taco slinger, Padre (Marin) his “holy” brother, and April (Lohan) a socialite with a penchant for guns. All while being tracked by Sartana (Alba), a sexy ICE agent with a special interest in the blade slinger."

For more Tom Savini/Machete action, head over to Bloody Disgusting for the exclusive. This has OMG-AWESOMENESS coming out the woodwork!

Source: Bloody Disgusting

New Machete photos!

Courtesy of JessicaAlba.net, here are some on-location photos from Robert Rodriguez's upcoming Machete:


Danny Trejo, M-Rod, and Alba


M-Rod lookin' fine!


Alba and Trejo


Alba and Steven Seagal(!!!)

For more, head over to JessicaAlba.net, M-Rod Official, or Unofficial Steven Seagal. I can't wait for this one.

Machete rumors confirmed and then some!

Bring on the trash

Danny Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Don Johnson(!), Jeff Fahey, Jessica Alba, and Robert Rodriguez-regular Cheech Marin have all supposedly been officially cast in Rodriguez's upcoming Machete, an off-shoot/expansion on the fake Grindhouse trailer original.

This obviously seems too good to be true, but apparently it is--according to Variety--and a little overwhelming considering the source material. I could care less about Alba but everyone else seems primed for some B-Grindhouse trash. I've always seen Rodriguez as being pretty much hit-or-miss, or more accurately somewhere between the two. But with a cast like this, he better knock this one out of the park.

Source: Variety, /Film

Rodrgiuez confirmed, Lohan offered roles in Machete

Michelle Rodriguez's awesomly action-packed career continues. The previous rumor that she'd been cast in Machete has now become valid, as well as the distinct possibility of Lindsay Lohan. From Rodriguez (Robert) himself:

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

As for De Niro and Seagal, Rodriguez says that they've sent the script out to a bunch of "big names" and that "we start shooting in a few weeks."

This may just outdo itself, or rather, the original trailer.

Sources: MTV, The Playlist

UPDATE: Best Rumor of the Summer: MACHETE!

UPDATE: Lindsey Lohan? OMG trashy/awesome.

De Niro. Seagal. Rodriguez. Hill. These household names obviously bring to mind a badass, pure-awesomeness sort of vibe, and that's exactly the stage that's been set as Robert De Niro, Steven Seagal, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jonah Hill have all supposedly been cast alongside Danny Trejo in the feature-length expansion of Machete, one of four fake trailers that accompanied Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's original Grindhouse double feature.

A variety of sites, from Bloody Disgusting, to The Playlist to /Film, are reporting varying tidbits of the news. I just hope for pure awesomeness's sake that it's all true. For Danny Trejo to be surrounded by this kind of class in a movie premise as lowly as Machete is truly ingenious. This skyrockets Robert Rodriguez's next project to the top of my list. I can't wait. Stay tuned.